A while ago I didn’t use to ask myself  how did he think of me or how did she think of me.

The way I used to look at myself was from my own eyes not other’s eyes.

Lately I started to see myself through the others’ eyes, why was that ? I believe it’s because I am not satisfied by myself and because my eyes no longer  think I am good enough. So I started to judge my self and think of my self the same way people around me think of me, and then the problem started and I will give few examples .

- when I do something  that seems wrong in someone eyes  ,not necessary wrong but maybe (not good enough) or ( could have done better ) I start questioning my self get sad and frustrated WHILE I know that according to my personality , my character , my capabilities and my opinion that this is the best thing to do or the best thing I can do.

-I no longer have goals of my own or approaches of my own I think in my head this way : “ I am going to it this way , mmm no, what would X think of that mm, no I should do it his/her way ( X’s way ) “ ,that lead me to do the following

                – if I am going to do something there are 2 possibilities

                                1- do it X’s way .

                                2- do X’s thing not my thing.

And this lead to that I do nothing I like because I am doing X’s things , and the things I like to do , no longer feel pleasure or excited about it because I am doing it X’s way.

This thing is simply my life.

And you can imagine how it is too weary ,heavy and makes me tired and loaded all the time.

This kind of life is just plane gray, colorless.

So I decided to go back to who I really am, if my own eyes see I am not enough if I see myself not good enough ill love myself and be better one for myself,

It’s not easy but it is going to work I am going to be myself and ill pray to be myself.

As first start I didn’t write an article maybe for 8 months and now I am writing one that means I am getting back to who I am, and let me say to you if you love doing something and stopped doing it because you looked at it from others’ eyes then shut those eyes and look at it from yours, its valuable in your eyes, you love it, so don’t stop doing it, it’s maybe a talent, a gift or just something you enjoy ,it’s a part of you and God gave it to you so that you enjoy it, and have it in your life.

I have one more thing , since I am getting back to be myself,  questions are playing drums in my head,

-Am I going to close the door for God ? , will I no longer ask for his opinion ? will I no longer share myself with him?, my thoughts ,my ideas, my questions, my dreams? .

-If I find something bad in me and not pleasing God and it really needs to be changed, how does God going to react about it, is he going to blame me ? , is he going to be mad at me ? because if this is God’s reaction then I am afraid that the same thing of not being myself is going back again, this time not because of people but because of God : (   . and in everything I am going to do I am going to ask myself is this what God wants me to do ? ( and I mean here doing normal or good things or something I love ,not sin )  and I’ll start running in the same wheel again.

But thank God that his reaction is not what I mentioned, his reaction is the following:

In James 1 : “2My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

I bolded verse 5, because it’s saying if I lack something, God is not going to get mad at me, instead he is offering giving me that thing I lack, like wisdom as it’s written above,  wow it’s a relief, I don’t have to be  afraid of God because if I want to be myself it’s not something he is against because he loves me as I am (

Romans 5:6 For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. 10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. 11 And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.)

And the things I lack I don’t have to be afraid of him because of it, or have to hate myself because of it, ill ask him to give it to me as this is what he wants, and I should remind myself that he is this way : “ who gives to all liberally and without reproach “.

And another thing :

(proverbs 3:11 My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor detest His correction;

12 For whom the LORD loves He corrects,  Just as a father the son in whom he delights.)

That’s all. Thanks for reading ,leave any comments if you like to. Thanks again

Have a nice day.

Who can give me strength ?

Who can give me  the power?

Who can give me the power to face my fears?

The power to face my self.

Who can give me the strength to change?

Who will march with me in my wars?

Who will destroy  the evil forts inside me?

Who can save me from my enemies?

Who can protect me from who rise up against me ?

Who can heal my sickness?

Who can treat my wounds?

Who can reach my weakness  that’s so deep , hold it and contains it ?

Who can heal the broken hearted ?

who  can hear my voice and my cry through  the evening morning and noon ?

who can rise to save me ?

who can be himself my shelter ?

who can have mercy that lasts for ever ?

who can be the father of the fatherless ?

who can love me for nothing?

Who can forgive me for free ?

Who can be my savior ?

Who can redeem my soul from the power of the grave ?

Who can but Jesus ?

” For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; Nor has He hidden His face from Him;
But when He cried to Him, He heard.   “

(psalm 22:24)

“God will redeem my soul from the power of the grave,  For He shall receive me. Selah “

(psalm 49: 15)

no body cares

no one gives a damn

no body’s fair

coz nobody is there

that was my say

when i used to be alone

i couldn’t fly away

as i caried the pain on my own

cry alone , sing for the pain

choke alone, dream in vain

watch your tears falling

it’s the only show around

no one can hear your calling

no one can hear your sound

staring deep in your drawing

of a bird that can’t find a ground

no body cares

no one gives a damn

no body’s fare

coz nobody is there

that was my life before i find the cure

your love which is pure, now i a know it for sure

those were my feelings that never gives a relief

never thought i would make it , i never had a belief

that some day ill over come it , and stand again to have a life

it taught me a lesson , that God wants me to have the best life

imagine all the sufferings flash and disappear

driven by the surroundings of disturbance and fear

always the flow with dark winds

ghost whispers ,shapes  your wings

God damn it , from the deep of the throat

it’s like gates of hell open through your thought

no body cares

no one gives a damn

no body’s fare

coz nobody is there

getting scared of my own talk

stumble and fall , stumble and fall

looking for the right door

just keep reminding myself of what iam looking for

stumble and fall then stumble and fall

and coming back to where i started it all

no body cares

no one gives a damn

no body’s fare

coz nobody is there

where are you my angel ?

do you exist at least ?

am I  a stranger

or did I  make you leave..

living with a craked  soul and a broken heart

It’s easy word to say I was torn apart

It just was worse

This is who I was before I knew the one Isaiah talked about:

The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
      because he has anointed me
      to preach good news to the poor.
   He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
      and recovery of sight for the blind,  to release the oppressed,
    ¹⁹to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

He preached me good news.

I’m no longer poor.

He proclaimed freedom for me.

I’m no longer a prisoner.

He restored my sight.

I’m no longer blind.

He released me.

I’m no longer oppressed.

He proclaimed the Lord’s favor.

Jesus cared about me

When nobody gave a damn

Jesus Loved me

Though I was a lost man.

————————————-

the words in regular fonts are  a poem i made named ” gates of hell and angels ” , i made it before i knew christ.

this was what i really felt.

the words in bold, i added them today. this is what really happened,and this is what is happining, this is the difference  Jesus made in me.

all you have to do is to accept Jesus call to you

Jesus said in revelation 3:20

 ”²⁰Behold, I stand at the door and knock.If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”

after i knew Jesus, i just recognized how many knocks on my door i ignored, and how many times he was calling on me but i said ” no , it’s nothing “

but thanks to him i finally answered and opened my door.

Jesus loves you. and i pray that if you are still away from him. if  haven’t tasted his love ,tender and fatherhood, his compassion , that you hear him and open your door.

because he is knocking on your door everyday.

If you are feeling the same way as i did, know that Jesus is here for you. just tell him i want to hear your voice,open your heart for him.

and I am here if you would love to talk.

and Jesus is already inviting you to come to him through matthew

11: ”28Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

–

you will find rest for your souls.

John 3 :  ¹⁶“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

God bless you.

this is my first poem after i knew Jesus ” welcome home ” and this is my 2nd ” jesus loves me whoever I am “

Hi friend.

I want to share with you something that sure concerns you, sometimes hear the voice that’s saying. you are a sinner, you do this specific sin, how do you think that the Lord is going to hear your prayer,how is he going to turn his ear towards you, he has turned his face away from you, why would he hear you asking for forgiveness, or asking for peace, or asking for him to come closer,he hears no sinners.

King David wanted to tell us about this issue

in psalm 66
 ¹⁶ Come and hear, all you who fear God,
         And I will declare what He has done for my soul.
 ¹⁷ I cried to Him with my mouth,
         And He was extolled with my tongue.
 ¹⁸ If I regard iniquity in my heart,
         The Lord will not hear.
 ¹⁹ But certainly God has heard me;
         He has attended to the voice of my prayer.
         
 ²⁰ Blessed be God,
         Who has not turned away my prayer,
         Nor His mercy from me!

—

those previous words are clear, if i regard iniquity in my heart . God will not hear me this is what we think but in the next verse 19 But certainly God has heard me; He has attended to the voice of my prayer.

he hears.what God told me is that it’s true that you regard iniquity in your heart. but my mercy is not turned away, and i will hear your prayer. God is not ok with me regarding iniquity in my heart.but if this voice telling me that this iniquity should keep God’s mercy away. this is not true, because if i listen to this voice what will happen is me leaving payer, and this is the exact thing satan wants , is me leaving my relationship , my connection and my company with God,and when i do so, i will get so so far away, but because God loves us,and because he is merciful, he doesn’t push us away,but have mercy and hear our prayers. it’s like he is openning his arms for us, he doesn’t want us to go away from him despite our iniquities.

please remember romans 5: 8 “ But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. “

and i encourage you to start reading the book of romans and pray to God to show you his thoughts for you.

just one last thing, what a reaction king David had after God showed him mercy and heared his prayer ,it’s in verse

20: Blessed be God,
         Who has not turned away my prayer,
         Nor His mercy from me!

God bless you .

From the book God Calling (www.twolisteners.org )

May 31 Prayer Without Words

Lord, hear us, we pray.                                

Hear and I answer.  Spend much time in prayer.  Prayer is of many kinds, but of whatever kind, prayer is the linking up of the soul and mind and heart to God.

So that if it is only a glance of faith, a look or word of Love, or confidence, and no supplication is expressed, it yet follows that supply and all necessary are secured.

Because the soul, being linked to God, united to Him, receives in and through Him all things.  And the soul, when in human form, needs too the things belonging to its habitation.

Pray without ceasing.  1 Thessalonians 5:17

From the book God Calling (www.twolisteners.org )

May 30 The Devil’s Death Knell    

Our Lord, we praise Thee.                                 

Praise is the devil’s death knell.  Resignation, acceptance of My Will, obedience to it, have not the power to vanquish evil that praise has.

The joyful heart is my best weapon against all evil.  Oh! pray and praise.

You are learning your lesson.  You are being led out into a large place.  Go with songs of rejoicing.  Rejoice evermore.  Happy indeed if each day has its thrill of joy.

Talk to Me more during the day.  Look up into My Face – a look of Love, a feeling of security, a thrill of Joy at the sense of the nearness of My Presence – these are your best prayers.

Let these smooth the day’s work, then fear will vanish, and fear is the grim figure that turns aside success.

Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me. Psalm 50:23

From the book God Calling (www.twolisteners.org )

May 29 Forget 

Regret nothing. Not even the sins and failures.  When a man views earth’s wonders from some mountain height he does not spend his time in dwelling on the stones and stumbles, the faints and failures, that marked his upward path.

So with you.  Breathe in the rich blessings of each new day – forget all that lies behind you.

Man is so made that he can carry the weight of twenty-four hours, no more.  Directly he weighs down with the years behind, and the days ahead, his back breaks.  I have promised to help you with the burden of today only, the past I have taken from you and if you, foolish hearts, choose to gather again that burden and bear it, then, indeed, you mock Me to expect Me to share it.

For weal or woe each day is ended.  What remains to be lived, the coming twenty-four hours, you must face as you awake.

A man on a march on earth carries only what he needs for that march.  Would you pity him if you saw him bearing too the overwhelming weight of the worn-out shoes and uniforms of past marches and years?  And yet, in the mental and spiritual life, man does these things.  Small wonder My poor world is heartsick and weary.

Not so must you act.

This one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind … 
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of 
God in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 3:13,14

From the book God Calling (www.twolisteners.org )

May 28 Test Your Love 

A great Love knows that in every difficulty, every trial, every failure, the presence of the loved one suffices.  Test your Love for Me by this.

Just to be with Me, just to know I am beside you – does that bring you Joy and Peace?  If not, then your Love for Me, and your realization of My Love, are at fault.

Then, if this be so, pray for more Love.

And be content with such things as ye have; 
for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.  Hebrews 13:5

From the book God Calling (www.twolisteners.org )

May 27 Roots and Fruits     

Remember the lesson of the seed too in its sending a shoot down so that it may be rooted and grounded, while at the same time it sends a shoot up to be the plant and flower that shall gladden the world.

The two growths are necessary.  Without the strong root it would soon wither, as much activity fails for lack of growth in Me.  The higher the growth up the deeper must be the enrooting.

Many forget this and thus their work ceases to be permanent for Me.  Beware of the leaves and flowers without the strong root.

                                                                                       The Acorn and The Tree

As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, 
so walk ye in him; Rooted and built up in him.  Colossians 2:6,7